1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
