Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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