Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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