Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
