you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize