She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
