he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
