Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you had me at cake vodka
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
