i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
