It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
