Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
