my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
