I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
