He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
