Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
