Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
