Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
