if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
