party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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