It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
