we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she told me i tasted like america
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
