I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I currently don't understand fingers.
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