I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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