i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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