Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
