i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize