I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
