Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
