I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
