Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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