the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
