I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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