i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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