Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
