Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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