and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize