New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
