Please, let me fuck your mom
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
