After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
