According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
