So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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