I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize