Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
