Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
