I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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