and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This baby is an asshole
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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