Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
