I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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