My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
