We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
