just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
