ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
