I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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