dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You ate ashes out of my bong
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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