im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
