opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
