I faked an abortion last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
