You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
