Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
