just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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