??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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