Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
