fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
