Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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