I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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