Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
