I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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