Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
