...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
