I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
